Time to bring an end to the story of TFW. It’s been left up in the air after parts 1, 2 and 3 have been related here (follow links or see Menu under ‘Relationships’), I just didn’t feel inclined to dwell on it any further. However I found myself perusing my super private journal this morning and reading over some entries I made this time last year in which I rawly related some incidents with TFW, and realised I need to bring the curtain down on that unsavoury episode.
The relationship continues…
So, my relationship, such as it was, with TFW continued for a blessedly short period in the same fashion as related in The Narcissist? – Part 3 – he would inundate me with sexting leading up to the deed, then would ignore me, until the cycle started again. I never sexted and I never contacted him first. Maybe if I felt our relationship was solid and actually moving in a positive direction I would have felt more comfortable with both, although – particularly in relation to sexting – I doubt it. I’ve never been able to sext. Not that I’ve had relationships with men who wanted it – there’s only been Tom, BFF for a very short period, and the ex. Before the ex there were no smart phones or sexting, and the ex, BFF and Tom were never inclined to sext. Tom got sexy on occasion on the text messaging but he didn’t use the typical language, which I personally find a bit distasteful and humiliating for both parties.
Planning for the end
I digress. Around this time last year according to my journal I decided to end the relationship with TFW. It was hurtful, the way he would go off the grid, not to mention confusing, because when we were together we did seem to get along really well. The sex was a bit sub-standard (I was used to the fireworks with Tom), but to be honest sex took up a very small part of the times TFW and I hung out. We chit chatted a lot… but now when I look back on it, I can see he never talked much about his private life. If I happened to mention or ask him anything – for example, once I casually asked him what he was doing on the weekend – he would clam up. I learned very quickly that come weekends he would disappear. The secrecy made me suspicious of course, then I decided enough was enough. I decided the next time I saw him I would tell him that we needed to bring the relationship, such as it was, to an end.
The crisis emerges
Unfortunately, that’s not what transpired. He came over the next Wednesday evening after my decision, and as we were chit chatting I said casually and jokingly that he could take on a vacant position I had at work.
He took me seriously. Pressed me for the details of the position. He seemed eager, almost desperate, pleading. I couldn’t retract the suggestion, tell him I was joking. I felt cornered. And I definitely couldn’t tell him I wanted to end our relationship.
Hurtling to destruction
From then on for the next few weeks I was the flavour of the year. Gone were the rude silences and ghosting. In fact the constant texting, sexting and calls was very irritating, although I didn’t say anything to him about that. The snowball that was the “job offer” grew to an avalanche. I convinced myself I could use him in the office, even though I had deep misgivings. When he told me he was going to hand in his notice to his cabinet-making employer, those misgivings surged. I blurted right out that I was worried. Suggested he not hand in his notice until he’d maybe tried the office work for a bit (he could take some time off from cabinet-making and try out working for me during that time).
The verbal attack I was then subjected to was shocking. I was accused of going back on a promise, accused of not wanting to help him, of not caring for him (interestingly he had picked up on my slight irritation at being bombarded by his communications). He said if that was the sort of boss I was, he didn’t want to work for me anyway… and on it went. His whole manner was different. Previously I understood him to be genial, easy-going, kind. This person was like my rooster McQueen when he was attacking Pippin my other rooster – kept coming and coming with aggression and force and determination.
I was reeling and hurt. I backtracked pretty fast. I regret that now of course. However, the deed was done.
My new employee
TFW came to work for me. I’ll keep subsequent events brief.
Within a week I found out he was married – I guess he neglected to remember I’d see the payroll details; in his case, I saw a bank account in two names. Alarm bells rang straight away.
Working in my profession, it’s pretty easy to find out things about people. I found out his wife’s name, that the property where TFW lived was in both their names, and that the telephone landline to the property was in the wife’s name. There was more, but no point going into it. Naturally, I confronted him with it.
He made out he’d told me he was married. I shot that one down in flames – I reminded him I’d told him at the very beginning that I don’t have relationships with married men. I could tell he knew that because of the way his gaze slid away from mine, although he didn’t openly acknowledge it. He tried to come up with other excuses but they were all so hopeless that I can’t even remember what they were. And anyway, it didn’t matter. What I knew was enough for me. Not only did I not want a liar and a cheat in my personal life, but I didn’t want one working for me either.
Obviously the silences on the weekends and the secrecy were explained. And that text message right at the beginning.
I dismissed him the same day. I had other compelling work reasons for doing so apart from that, just by coincidence. He couldn’t spell to save his life, I had to actually check his emails to clients before he sent them – as if I had time for that. Around the time I found out he was married he had also forged my signature on some document he needed for the business to take over the novated lease on his car. Holy heck. As if I could endorse forgery by allowing him to stay, notwithstanding everything else!
When I told him we needed to bring his employment to an end, I was dealt the same treatment he gave previously when I told him I had misgivings about him working for me. But this time it was like the lioness reared up and swiped the little pest down. I told him not to talk to me that way, and gave him a piece of my mind. I didn’t raise my voice or become angry or emotional and I didn’t invite confrontation, I just stood my ground. He backed off.
I’ve just spent a few paragraphs writing about work and almost feel that this blog – my retreat from work – has been tainted! So I’ll stop there. Suffice to say I never saw TFW again. Even so, it took me a while to get over it. It was so hard to reconcile the friendly, charming, easy-going guy with the liar and cheat and the monster and, yes, the Total Fuck Wit I encountered. I do feel a trusting idiot, but at the same time, I know I’ve learned some valuable lessons.
So, that brings to an end the story of “The Narcissist?” Like I’ve said previously, I have no idea whether he is one or not, and I don’t care. Something to throw into the ever-widening mix of people who may deserve that label, I guess. It’s really immaterial. The only thing that should be important where people like him are concerned is that they are people to avoid, to preserve your own safety and sanity.