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The Narcissist? – Part 3

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Parts 1 and 2 are related elsewhere on this blog in the Relationshios chapter.

Over the ensuing weeks after that first aborted date, there was sporadic communication by text between TFW and I and it wasn’t sexual or flirty. I would say he picked up that I wasn’t interested. And I wasn’t, primarily because of “that text”. Interestingly, he made no further comments or suggestions about polishing and buffing my floors. I was to learn of course that this was a pattern for him – he would promise he’d do something and not only would he never do it, he’d never even mention it again.

 

Around the time, the State of Origin was on. I’m not one bit interested in rugby league and couldn’t care less about this series or who wins, although naturally if I had to choose a preference it would be the New South Wales team, that being MY state of origin, which of course doesn’t go down well where I live. It also annoys me that I have an employee who always wears football sweaters and scarves to work at that  time, which I think is very unprofessional, but I don’t feel I can say anything to her because it was yet another “process” I inherited from the previous business owner that I felt obligated to continue at the time. I’ve stamped my own presence on the business now so I don’t feel that anymore but last year I did.

 

In any event, the evening before one of the games TFW texted me:

“You watchin the game 2morrow”

 

He was very bad at punctuation so I always had to figure out whether he was asking a question or making a statement. On this occasion I was pretty sure it was a question so I replied,

“Nope. Don’t follow it”.

 

He replied,

“Dam thought I cld come ova with a few drinks 😬 Will patch hole 4 u”

 

With that last comment he was referring to a small hole I’d put in the ceiling of my kitchen when I’d attempted to hang a macrame plant hanger I’d made; he’d noticed it the last time. I’m quite capable of doing it myself but just hadn’t gotten around to it.

 

I’d softened towards him somewhat because of the absence of sexual comment and I was happy he wanted to fix the hole for me – at least I know he’d do it professionally.

 

“You’re welcome to come over, but I can’t see myself watching the game”, I texted.

 

Of course he wasn’t going to give up watching the rugby though, so instead he quickly suggested the next evening. Then he added, “will yr kids b home 😬”.

 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why he was asking. Now I have to say by this point – as I had done a great deal of thinking in the intervening period since “that text”- I had concluded he would not pursue a relationship with me if he was already in one.  I also decided that when he sent that text, he was in the process of ending a relationship and that in the intervening period he had in fact ended it, and was free to explore something with me. After all I had actually told him I don’t “do casual” and I don’t mess with married or partnered men or men in another relationship. Yes, I realise that I was being exceptionally trusting and naïve, but there you have it.  I had mellowed a great deal towards him, which was helped by the fact that he was a very friendly and easy-going person, or seemed to be. Even his simplicity was appealing. I meet so many complex people through work that when I meet someone who appears straightforward and two-dimensional it’s very endearing. And, I had even convinced myself he was attractive and sexy…the tricks one’s mind can play.

 

I responded that in fact my kids would be at their dad’s and I get a “😁😁👍🤗💕” in response.

 

So…I’m going to cut to the chase here because there’s no point in reporting the tortures, doubts, self-recriminations and attempts at justification that I put myself through subsequently. Suffice to say that TFW and I did commence a relationship that next night. I thought we were working towards a “normal” relationship – that’s what I convinced myself anyway – but the reality was that I was his you-know-what. We never went out anywhere. Following his evenings at my place, his contacting me would disappear and didn’t rev up again until he wanted sex again, and then his texting was primarily sexting which was utterly boring. To my credit hopefully, very early on in the piece, two times I suggested to him that we “draw a line under this”. I could see the way it was going almost from day 1, and it wasn’t in a direction I wanted, but each time I suggested it, he resisted it to the point where I relented.

 

Ironically, the sex was ho hum. I suppose I was used to Tom. TFW had a size problem, shall we say, and a maintenance problem. He had to use a ring. He said it was for heightened sensation but I googled and found out it was to maintain an erection. I just couldn’t get interested in sex with him, it was very uninspiring. I figured he wasn’t interested with me either but the vigourous sexting continued and one occasion he drove all the way from a job in Coolum all fired up to have sex.

 

He never in fact patched the hole in my ceiling.

 

Then things took a turn for the worse…refer to  the final chapter.

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